Some things people have said about their OCD
I have this thing about hygiene. I won't drink from a glass outside as it could be dirty or have germs. I worry about cooking for the family in case I somehow get broken glass in the food or something. I try not to touch against others in the street. Same in the Health Centre - I make sure I have a tissue with me so I don't have to touch door handles with my bare skin.
If I'm out last in the morning, I check I've locked the door again and again. I give it a wee push. I unlock it and lock it again. I walk down the path, then double back, and check it again. When I get ready to go to bed, I turn off the fire, pull out the plugs, lock the door, and check that the cooker is off and so on. I may have to go back and check them all again and again. Even though I know it is OK, I can't get up the stairs. It's as if I'm stuck to the spot and, the stress is going through the roof. Once I get myself in the bed, I am all right. If I go to bed before my wife, I don't have to check even though I know she doesn't bother checking things the way I do.
I had this weird thought - if I don't touch this table nine times, something awful might happen to my kids - so I touched it nine times. If I think certain things, I have to think certain other things to cope with them. Now, I am crippled by these thoughts. I think - if something did happen, I could never live with myself so I do it and, of course, feel bad for giving into it.
If I'm holding the baby, sometimes I get this thought - 'What if I were to just drop her'. It makes me feel sick to my stomach. Now I want someone in the room with me when I've got the wee one. I know I would never harm her but why do I think such things about those I love so much.
I can't get anything done, I'm always late for work. I'm worried that something will happen to the house when I'm gone. I shut and lock the door, then give it a wee push to check its locked, walk down the path, turn back, unlock and lock it again just to make sure. I'm driving myself round the bend because I know it's locked! The thing is, if my flatmate is out after me its fine - then I'm not to blame if it goes wrong. I feel so anxious, it makes me sick to my stomach. I'd feel so guilty if something did happen, I'd feel like it was my fault.
I just don't feel right. I'm really afraid that I'll do something to hurt my mum. These thoughts are always in my head. I can picture pushing her down the stairs or strangling her. I get so upset, I'm supposed to be looking after her. I feel like such a horrible person. I try to think 'good' thoughts to make me feel better such as 'I know I love her' and 'I would never hurt anyone'. That makes me feel better for a while but the thoughts always come back. I feel like I'm fighting a constant battle in my head.
